Wednesday, June 27, 2012

What I Will Miss and Not Miss :)

Nora Ephron died.  She was/is an amazing person...she left a list of things she will miss upon her death and are mine...

What I Will Miss.....

1.  What might have been if I had lived longer.
2.   Coffee in the morning...I hope they have that in heaven..great coffee
3.   My kids...and seeing them age gracefully and happily I hope
4.  Swimming...Floating...I love the way the water feels as it wraps itself around you
5.  Laughing...huge laughter...uncontrollable laughter..:)
6.  A naked body next to me ..not just any naked body :)
7.  The early morning and late night walks...I think you can walk in heaven.
8..The moon and the stars...and the feel of the sun.
9. popcorn

What I will Not Miss

1.  Surgeries
2.  Working so hard ...for what reason I have no idea...:)
3.  Needles and scans
4.  Much technology
5. Seeing other folks pass away and missing so many people
6. Wondering about death and cancer
7.  early morning noise/late night noise
8. ......You

Since I am not near death, I reserve the right to change this list at anytime...for years...God Bless You Nora....Where would we be without "When Harry Met Sally and the famous Meg Ryan scene in the deli???

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Keep the Faith...Do Not Give Up

Since first typing in 2009...every so often I read my own posts from along time ago....I was writing before that in a paper pad..:)...remember those?  I know that there are no easy answers out there and every decision that you make seems and death.  And it could be.

I want you to know you never know what is around the corner in a day...a month...a minute..that for every bad happening that there could be a good one around the corner...very often what seems cliche is true...and there is a reason cliches are what they are...:)

I have a lot of change going is that time of year...moving...scans already the beginning of website in a I am going to pray for peace at least until next I can get to New York...and anywhere else that I would like to go...and I will tell you all about it. :)

So far this month the page that got the most views is about I know how important hair is to everyone....I had no idea...and the one I wrote about sex...:) is even more important than sex...who knew?   :)  Keep the faith...don't give up.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Supreme Court and Your Healthcare

This is a big week my friends...a really big week deciding your future and health insurance.  I heard this morning that the decision is already made.

Whether you are a fan of Obamacare or will suffer if the outcome of this is totally thrown out.  You will be at the mercy of your health insurance companies...deciding whether to insure you or not...or drop you...or not give a crap about you...whether they will insure the new drug that you want to try that might save or increase your time here on this earth....whether they will insure your next surgery to give you many more years me...more than 11 surgeries and counting.....or maybe they will just say "no" more and time for you to I have seen a few times...

Health insurance should not be employer based does not work anymore...too many people ...hard working American people loose their coverage...loose their life to forego treatment to feed their families.....American people deserve good health matter matter what...

It is time for both parties to recognize this fact and not bow down to the lobbyists of the health insurance companies.....Write letters ......yell....getting ready to start my own little campaign depending on this decision...what about you?

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Cancer Survivorship Expo

July 22, 2012......12 - 6 pm    Please come enjoy...and learn.

Registration Required: or call  (949) 752-5272

Sponsored by the School of Multidimensional Healing Arts & Sciences and Womanology Pelvic Health and Cancer Survivor Therapies in Irvine California

Join us for a day of innovative information sharing and life enhancing programs!  This wealth of information will be presented by health care professionals, researchers, and organizations who are dedicated to educating and providing resources to cancer patients, survivors and their families.  The day is filled with financial, health, and wellness providers to help you navigate the survivorship process.

35 speakers, food and marketplace.

18271 McDurmott West..Irvine Ca 92614

This workshop has everything...talks about money, healthcare,organizational skills, insurance, your body, your mind...come down and see us!


Friday, June 22, 2012

I am 55 Today....

Wow...55...and I know that is not old..and a couple of times I wondered if I would get here...I know that I should have assumed that I would...but there were too many moments when I was just too scared...had too many other issues...and I just felt frozen...

Everyone says that I am so strong all of the time...and yet I look back and realize ...I should have thought just a bit differently...medical issues we can not help...they happen ...but sometimes psychological issues come along and that is where you really have to deal with stuff.

When you are twenty and you look at where you might be at certainly was not here...11 years doing cancer on and off...and I am not on a desert island with a great guy drinking a Mai Tai ...few people are and I am jealous if that is you

So here I am ...I am here...not sure what 55 will bring...however as long as there are no medical issues life is good. :)  

Lots of love to all ...shortly amyresiliency blog will pop up and I hope the rest of my life will follow that title...most of it has....:) let's have some fun!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

How To Organize Yourself and Ask for HELP

As a Cancer treatment at the time or not...asking for help is a very difficult remember when YOU used to help everyone and your independence was everything....and you loved it....and then cancer came along...maybe once...maybe twice and then for many, many is a little advice I learned along the way.

Your new job...fighting cancer should be run as a fined tuned business as much as possible...I have said this many times before.  I had a wonderful friend Kathy...she had her entire medical life organized in a grid on her refrigerator door...she had a block of volunteers that had jobs to help her during the week.

She organized it herself when she could...if not a friend did it with her.  She was never alone and her children had great support.  She was a master.  She taught me a lot.  She said do not wait for people to them and ask...teach them how to help you...if they say no ...move on...she was a woman on a mission to take care of herself and her family. I loved...admired...and respected her immensely.  I was with her 3 days before she passed away...again...another of the bravest people that I knew.

If you do not have people to your local cancer support center...the Wellness Community...the social worker at the hospital...your Church...Temple...Jewish Federation...American Cancer Society...Livestrong...

The first person that went to chemo with me in 2002 was a stranger from the local  cancer support center...she was my angel...she made me laugh, eat, and relax..I did not want to go with anyone that I knew....I never saw her again until years later...I bumped into her at the movies and hugged her a long time.  I was still here...and so was she :).

Monday, June 18, 2012

Say What You Think

I do not have time to waste my friends.  I am going to say exactly what is on my mind...with respect and love of course.  As the cliche is too short.  And do not waste my time as well by not telling me exactly what you think.  I will love and respect you for that.

As I listen to my fellow cancer folks they wonder often...why their friends disappear when they are sick.  They wonder why no one drops by a meal or picks up the dry cleaning.  They wonder why not one person offers to accompany them to an appointment.

They wonder why their friends have forgotten that they can still be fun and enjoy life...although a bit changed ...maybe just for the moment :).  They wonder why no one can hug them or hold their hands.  They wonder why the phone has stopped ringing or why no one has offered to help them with their paperwork....they wonder why they ran out toilet paper and they just can not get out of the chair to go buy some....

They wonder how they ever got into this situation and why not one person is really asking them how they feel..really feel.....or just " can I help you with one thing today?"

Reminder to those healthy folks out not be shy...helping others makes you feel makes you feel great...if you not know how to do that...many people do not...just ask..just call...just ask...even if you wake the person up...they will be smiling...I promise.

Next Blog is for the patient on how to ask for help...:)...

Sunday, June 17, 2012

55 on Friday

I am 55 on Friday...and this is a big birthday?  They are all big when you are going through or have gone through cancer for a long period of time.  This September is 11 years on and off.  Everyone is asking me what I am doing, or to plan something particularly exciting...however it seems like this year... above all other of those crazy years is just so difficult.

It took me awhile to figure out why I am not feelin it ...I am telling you because maybe you have felt this way too.  I guess at 55...I just expected to be in a different place.  I either expected to be really swingin from the trees in joy... or frankly dead...:)....And I am not either.  The dead part is great.   I am very much alive..

However the basic struggle still exists...I have moved mountains in the last months since my last major surgery however "Rome" is never built in a day and I have a lot to fix...the summer is mine...however scans are in September and the wheels just keep on turning.

I think if my scans are stable in September..then I can really move everything forward quite a for me Friday is a nice quiet dinner with old friends and prayers that life just continues in some kind of "normal" fashion...I can tell my birthday is kind of making me crazy because I keep writing so many blog posts!

I have few more in me I think :).  Have a great day!

My Friend Pam

My friend Pam passed away a year ago today.  She had leiomyosarcoma as well.  We met on Acor and became fast friends.  We could not have been more different..The wonderful Christian Southern bell and the New York Jew.  We would laugh for hours over anything, everything, including cancer.

The many things we had in common...were just all of our core values and having this hideous disease.  We wanted to see our children grow up...we wanted full exciting lives.  We fought together many times...tried cancer drugs together...cried from time to time together.

Pam went on cruises with lined ...screamed at insurance companies for their stupidity in her treatment.  She was honored by and represented the American Cancer Society in Washington DC.  She was amazing.

One day Pam decided to drive alone to the Cancer Center...she lived a little bit away...She had a car accident and my daughter and I ended up going to get her on the Freeway in Los Angeles....literally....she would not call an ambulance....she got in the car with me....she was fine...crazy day :)

I love you Pam...I hope you are watching from heaven...and whenever I leave this earth someday I hope I see you and hug you for a long time!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Father's Day

This post is dedicated to my Dad who I adored.  My Dad passed away in 2003.  I almost missed his passing  as I had just gotten out of a surgery.  I practically crawled to the hospital to say good bye.

My Dad was a riot.  I think it is true what they say about great father and daughter relationships.  Your Dad is  the first man in your life and if he was a good Dad future, husband/boyfriends..etc will have similar qualities.

As far as sense of humor goes this is/was absolutely true in my life.  Every man that I have ever been attracted to was from back east.  I moved to California and never liked California men...sorry...I have to have that little bit of back east sarcasm and they were all gentlemen.

I learned a lot from my Dad.  He spoke with everyone ...everywhere...standing on lines...going up an elevator...he would get everyone's life story in 5 minutes.

He had a great capacity for friendship.  If you were his friend were his friend forever.  He would do anything for you.  I have the same types of friends.  I am lucky that way.

He talked to me all the time about everything...people...his work...I appreciated the fact that as we aged ...we were friends.  We had breakfast once a week at our favorite place...When I occasionally drive by his old home...I can still see him walking out to meet me.  He had a great swagger.

He passed away as he had lived the latter part of his life...without pain and listening to his favorite music (Sinatra).  I miss him always.  Love you Dad.

The Wanderer

I sold my home in 2008...not by choice.  Through a series of crazy events that you have to go back and read  in old blog posts...I had to move.  It was not all bad.  I have lived in very wonderful places that I took full advantage of....

For awhile I lived on Wilshire Blvd in a beautiful tall building near UCLA...near Beverly Hills etc.  There was much that I could walk to...restaurants, movies...etc.  One day I was so insane I walked home from my Doc appointment...looking back I can not believe that I did was miles and I was just out of surgery not too long...I stopped in Beverly Hills for lunch.  I contemplated taking a cab...but it was not my goal for that day...:)  I never did that again. LOL

I lived on Wilshire the day Farah and Michael Jackson died.  That was like living in a war zone.  They closed   all of Westwood...the neighborhood next to UCLA and Farrah lived across the street.  I counted 10 helicopters that day.  Paparazzi was everywhere....

Eventually I ended up here in Irvine.  I love's is in Orange County where people take their little white dogs where ever they go...seriously...where ever they go :).  

My lease is up on my apartment in September and I have no idea where I want to live.  I could go back to the San Fernando Valley...or anywhere.  At almost 55 years young...I feel not connected to any particular place...people ..yes...places no.....I will have to start thinking about this I guess...maybe I should start backpacking in my 20's :)

Can You Hug?

Cancer can be an emotionally wrenching disease.  A friend of mine has lost the capacity to hug.  I find this heart breaking.  Hugging actually makes you feel better has been scientifically proven that a good hug should last at least 17 seconds to get the full benefit.  We as a culture do not hug enough.  Feeling the positive warmth of another human being is wonderful.

I imagine that she can not hug due to a fear of loss. There has been so much loss in her life.  Also to hug means that you have to feel that loss and so many other emotions...she will cry as well...maybe for a long, long, time.

I would propose to her to hug a let the emotions cry for have to feel the bad to get to the get to the great.  It is a lot of is worth it.  Get the bad stuff out.

You are also missing the most fabulous feelings of a great hug....I could hug forever....I would like to give you one huge hug...:)...if you let me...

ACOR On Line Cancer Resource

I am sure that I have written about this resource before...I must do it again because this one resource is so important for valuable information and connecting with others like yourself.  Acor is really the site of my first blog.  I have been typing there for 11 years...amazing...11 life with cancer is there ..posted with other amazing people fighting this crazy disease.

I can never re pay Acor for the service that has been provided to me and so many others here and long gone.  I can only honor the service by continuing to type and help as many people as I can.  I can only imagine when there was no internet and people with rare cancers like mine struggled along with no one similar to talk to.

Acor is one of the places that has helped to keep my sanity all of these years.  To speak to someone like yourself is priceless.

Thank You Acor...The Legacy you leave...the people you serve...the lives you save....thank you! next website that I am having design issues with ...would actually be my third...:) and I am still here to type it!   YAY!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Special Times In Your Life

What do we live for?  Why do you want to be here?  Are you basically happy person?  I am just speaking for myself here.  I am ...are you?  Why?  Why are you who you are?  Just lucky?  You practiced?

I was sitting with an amazing friend this evening at "Happy Hour"...I wish that I could drink...however due to all of my many surgeries...I have chosen not to.  I want to stay here as long as I can~!  We talked about a lot of things... She knows who she is...I admire that a lot in people.

We just started talking about very special moments in our lives and how rare they really are.  I realized that I am waiting...I must be waiting for that moment...a glance...a feeling....a knowing matter what the circumstance something is about to drastically change in my life.

I have had too many of those moments over these years where it has gone the other way ...due to illness...I am ready to go the other way.  I know that I am on my way....Let's hurry up!  :)  I am going as fast as I can!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Turned Your Back on Tomorrow....You Forgot Yesterday

I love Adam Levine...I admit it...I am a his new song...I drive a lot...I listen to many of these songs however I think of them sometimes in a different way.

"Turned your back on forgot yesterday"  I know that is really an end of love song...however...those words ...they can be applied to you personally...just you or just me.  I talk about this a lot in area of mental health.

It is hard to remember who you were before cancer...especially if you go through it for years and years...and years....this is a new phenomenon the future unfolds medicine becomes more advanced and we live longer...and longer...:)...and we will never be the way we were.

So how do you do all of  On the outside you are supposed to be so grateful and thankful everyday...and I am ...however when you wake up in the morning what is the first thing that you think about???
Or the moment right before you close your eyes at night...what are you thinking?...When no one is looking?

I I have just started dreaming again...I dream..instead of dwelling...Dream instead of takes does not work all of the time...sometimes those memories that you are trying to ignore...they are palpable....and painful...and joyous...and crazy..

This will work if you practice...everyday...dream of the future and what can will never be the way that you think...ever :)

Friday, June 8, 2012

Why You Should be Writing

I know I keep talking about it...about a week to go on the new blog...however...I was not in a good mood today..not sure why as you could see in the last blog entry....

My advice would be to you is to start your own blog...start's free and and it is great also allows you to leave a fabulous legacy...and you are helping people...lots of people.

I read my own writing all the way back to 2009 ...the very first entry and there was a comment from my very dear friend that is long gone...I am so happy to have her writing..and many others.

And I saw a way that I could have never remembered all of these years...and I am still here...I wanted to tell that gal from a long time ago not to worry...that everything is going to be fine...that all of the struggle and change is all ok.  You did it...and the journey is not over....not quite yet anyway.

The way you want life to "fit" may still be out there.  You just have to let it come.  Maybe this is the beginning of the "big break" that you have been looking for...either all will hear about it.

So start typing and tell me where your blog is :)

Emotional Notes on Long Term Illness

Health wise I am perfect right now...the best I have been in years.  I am grateful and I know that I am lucky everyday...I am not complaining...however I feel I must make some statements because if you are like me...I know how you are feeling and it needs to be that you know that others understand how you are feeling...I get it.

I am in the re building stage...recovering from cancer and financial illness :) and other stuff..I have been here before... thought I would make it until another tumor rolled along...and there it all went.  I must admit that I am tired sometimes and a little sad.....that all I really want to do is drink a Mai Tai at the end of some romantic beach with a great guy and do nothing!!!!

However this is not my life and maybe not yours :)  :).   So how do you motivate yourself when the day sometimes just feels so difficult?   How do you motivate yourself even when you have a new plan and it all seems so wonderful...but there are moments when you are going WTF happened all of these years??

Are you expecting some old, fabulous wisdom?   There is none ....except this is what works for me most of the time...

1.  Exercise...however you can do it...walk ...drum...swim..move..moving makes you feel better

2. Scream...Cry...Yell...not all day :)..I find my saddest moments to be late at I will read a good to a dear friend...I can accept a little sadness...then I get on with it!  One good cry every so often works wonders.

3.  If you are always sad...etc...get help..professional help...your friends can not help you with depression..and there is nothing wrong with being depressed have been through hell...get help..

4.  Do not stay alone for a long time under any circumstances.  Get out of the house...go anywhere where there is fun going on...laughing is very important...maybe you are not exactly where you thought that you would be...Surround yourself with happy people and that will lift you up. Do something new people...keep going with life...

How you view yourself regardless of what you have or do not have is how others will view you ...this I know...

5.  Think of just today...get the day done as well as possible...set goals and reach them.

Cancer is very confusing people wise :)...people you love run away...people that you do not even know run to you...people tell you that you are wonderful just because you have survived 11 years and you think there has to be more to being a fabulous person just because you have cancer for 11 years :)????  I do not think so...there has to be more to it :)...I want my life back...all of it...Being known for just fighting cancer is not enough :).

I know I have helped others and for that I am very grateful. Thank God there has been something wonderful in this.  But I still want a big life...for me and for you. I want one day where everything just it used to...does not have to be perfect..everything just has to fit :).  I know you get it.

When I Had No Hair

I will get back to talking about blog...I was inspired to write this by lovely woman whose writing I just loved.  She planted this blog in my head :)  I lost my hair twice years ago.  Some of it was quite liberating and some goes..

When I had no hair on my head, I did not loose my mind.  When I had no eyebrows and eyes were still the windows to my soul.  When I had no hair on my legs and in my nice it was not to shave.

It was nice not to have it in other places as well :).  And I looked at my face and body in a different way.  My head was smooth...I bought a wig however I never wore was just too hot.  When I put the wig on I felt I was loosing part of my identity and I left it off and wore gorgeous wraps and hats.  I did miss my eyelashes and wonder if they would ever grow back....they did :).

I had white hair for the first time and people asked me why I just don't leave it that way...then I looked at their hair and said..."I will if you will"  and we laugh.. We can have no hair however not gray hair!  Too funny.

It takes practice to love yourself  without hair.  It takes a lot of practice to love yourself when you look different.  It takes practice to love yourself showing the world that you are fighting cancer.  Practice loving matter what and your world becomes a better place and others will respond to that.

Hair grows back.  You are beautiful no matter what.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Concept of Crowd Funding

Ok folks...I am trying to do some fundraising and fund my project along the way.  How many of you have heard of the concept of "Crowd Funding"?   I had never heard of it before until recently at a networking event.  Basically lots people donate small amounts of money to your project and they do get something in return for their I decided to try it here before my new blog is here goes..

I have a coffee/tea wonderful business.  My website is to US ...then English...then you should see my number at the top of the page and my name....go to buy products and buy from my wonderful store of coffee...tea...toothpaste, etc...all of it is 100% organic ganoderma coffees and med is a wonderful Chinese herb that has been around for 4000 makes the coffees and teas alkaline and fabulous....a little "healthier" than regular coffees and whatever you like and 10% of my net profit will go to the Sarcoma Alliance where my blog has been listed for years...

Also ....If you buy a $100 or more worth of products...and you would like to tell your story here on my blog please let me know....You can contribute anything ...we can talk about what you would like to say...and I will put your story in my e book...I would like to create a history of sarcoma survivors...this could be a family member that is no longer here as could be a caregiver telling a story...

If you have a specific charity that you would like to donate to....Lets talk about that as Please buy my coffees and drink it anyway! If you want to buy from me directly e mail me

However the website is a heck of a lot easier!

Thanks and back to talk about money!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Long Term Care Planning 2 and Money

Long Term do you pay for it?  The average in the state of California now is about $86,000 per would you do that if you had to pay this for 2,3...10 years?   It is very possible for this to happen in your family....

I am going to give you some tips...for those who have money and those that do not...Let's talk a little about money does not buy happiness...that comes from within...however let's be real...having cancer on and off for 11 buys freedom to care for yourself as you see buys you and your family peace of has a stranger bathing you and wiping you instead of a family member...blunt and real...You want your family to enjoy your a movie with you...not bathe you...not accompany you to the bathroom.

You also do not want to cost your family all that is painful and hard.  I have seen it time and time again.

1.  Do you have life insurance?   Life insurance is not just for the purpose of giving your family money when you die...the way to buy life insurance is very important...much I will not get into here...however for the purpose of ltc planning ...make sure your life insurance policy has a living benefits rider...make sure...this means you can possibly access up to 50% of the proceeds for your care in terminal illness.

Also....when is your life insurance ending?  Is it a term policy?  When do you loose the level premium?  When does the policy sky rocket in price?   When was the last time you looked at your illustration?  Can you tell that I have an insurance background?  Look at these things and if they do not look right talk to a qualified person!

Maybe term is not the to a qualified person...11 years of cancer and my ex husband passed away of heart attack in the middle of the night 5 1/2 years ago...Life insurance is not an after is a financial requirement if you have a family.  

More about money next ....

Monday, June 4, 2012

Long Term Care Planning 1

You may not think so however this last twenty or thirty years of your life has the most risk ...for loosing everything that you have ever the world of long term care.  Your medical insurance pays for NOTHING having to do with NOT being able to do your activities of daily living.  These are bathing, dressing, continence, mobility, eating, and toileting.  Toileting means that you can not get to the toilet...continence means that you have no control...isn't this a lovely subject?

Long term care can cost you and your family hundreds.... thousands of dollars...per month...per year..The hourly wage for help in the home can range from $15 per hour all the way up to $25/30 and more depending on the skill level needed for care.

There are also the incidentals of daily living...making phone calls..helping with the home...doing the laundry...all of these issues are big for patients if you are not able.

How do people pay for long term care issues???   Next blog....

Sunday, June 3, 2012

A Little About Medicare

Are you formally on SS disability for 2 years or more and without medical insurance...just a can apply for medicare after being on disability for 2 years.

When choosing a medicare plan...sit down with someone that represents many medicare ins companies and can explain the differences.  Never buy insurance on the internet or with someone over the it in person...always...This includes life insurance and long term care insurance as well.

If you are not able to understand the differences in companies...get an advocate or friend to sit with you.  Do not be is complicated...I have sat with folks for 2 hours going over these things.  Cheapest is not necessarily may cost you a lot more money if you become ill.

Remember that you have to be hospitalized for three days to qualify for skilled nursing care under medicare rules....and that is only 20 days in full....a small percentage until 100 days...then you have nothing ...nothing.

We will talk about long term care on a different blog....and life insurance...and other things about money.

Frank Talk About Money 1

Let's talk about money and how easy it is to screw up..meaning not having enough of it....It is never too late to plan until it really is.  My parents were not very good long term planners when it came to money.  They never thought about money as a long range planning tool..only how to make it and then spend it...They were typical WWII generation ...having a good job ...working for someone the end My Dad caught up and did well...My Mom however needed my help always..

I was always great at making money...I was in different types of sales jobs forever..I also thought that I could dig myself out of anything...that no matter happened to me that I would be just fine...what an idiot I was.  Then I got cancer...once and then twice...and then in 2007...I just got it non stop...many members of my family passed away during this time including my ex husband ...and there I was a single parent with cancer..for a long, long, time....and running out of money.

I was never materialistic...I am a simple person in that way...I do like to travel and have fun...In 2003 I started an insurance business and learned much about money and are some tips I learned along the way..

1.  This one seems silly to within your means..put emergency money away for a rainy years worth...I do not care who you are and how much money you have or do not have....whether you have to wear the same clothes to work every some money.

2.  Read Napolean Hill's Book..."Think and Grow Rich"  the road map to wealth...the most read book other than the "Bible" will learn perhaps to think just a little bit differently...

3.  Treat your Cancer Journey like a business...if you can't get some help...figure out each month as best you can what your medical costs will be and how to best deal with them...In my new blog coming up the end of next week I will be very detailed here about how to do this...There a lot you can do to help yourself.

4.  Get counseling...a great Therapist...In order to deal with cancer as a business...we all know that our emotions will support for free...individual ...etc....It's OK to go crazy however you have to come back and deal...with your life...because you may live for a really long, long, time like me...and we did not fight this long to not have a great life.

5.  Thinking about something other than cancer is fun...occupy your mind and you will get better..make it a game...have no fear...Do not listen to other people's careful about where and who you spend your time with..  I know how difficult change is...however it is the only way to survive and flourish...

6.   What is that new thing that you can do on your own...can you start a new business?  Cancer and Careers is a great resource for folks going through cancer and dealing with work them and take a look....

Tomorrow I will talk about more concrete stuff.   Do not give up...but you have to plan...and be organized...and follow through..

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Looking For Me

Long term any disease can make you loose changes everything you are...everything that you have been...especially in health and financial issues as well.  My scans were perfect. Before scans you are bracing for the worst and hoping for the best.  Thank heaven this time I got the best...I do not even have a chest port anymore...just a lot of mental scars..however much less than many I know...I am fully aware of how lucky I am...
However you know after the big deep breath...comes all of the other issues arising out of long term disease...a little post traumatic stress..a little rush of preparing for the future...and whatever else that you have been ignoring all of these years...just to get through the day in some "normal" fashion.  Relationships that have ended....plans that have changed...travels that will many plans to make....where to go...what to do..

You are laughing and crying for the first time in a long time....because you can....because you know for at least the next 3/4 months...that you are on your poking doctor nothing

Now is just irregular "life"....:) will you   "make up"  for lost time?  How hard can I work?  How much money can I make?  How many states and people can I visit in 3 months?

Who am I and what am I looking for?  I have no idea where I even want to live when I grow up...:)  Do you?

My kids are great..I am sort of free for the first time in who knows how many years...and I am looking...for Me...Just me...before the the next health scare...before the next huge life altering event....just looking for Me!

This journey is going to fun I think :)...hope it lasts...