Saturday, December 31, 2011

Rubber Bands

Here I am.  I am here and I survived another crazy surgery!!  I am not only here...I am eating, driving, working...I know this is a wonderful thing.  I am also so tired ...I am a bundle of conflicting emotions....I am like a ball of a million rubber bands each being a different emotion...pulling and snapping at any given moment......but I am here and having fun as well....enjoying the wonder of it all.


And I am wondering what this year will bring....a break from medical stuff I hope.  Wishing you all out there a healthy 2012. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

And Then the Sun Comes Out

This post is to remind all of you that the time does pass and things will get better.  I will be taking the rest of the year off...to have fun!  I am now eating although not as much as I would like. And I will be getting myself organized for the coming year.  My headaches have gone away and now I am just dealing with a huge dose of impatience...how fast can this body heal? Not fast enough. :)  I have lots of stories to tell ...just cannot sit long enough to type them.  I am so done with sitting for the time being.

Happy, Healthy New Year to everyone.  See you in 2012....and 13....14...:)

Friday, December 16, 2011

I Don't Want To Do This Anymore

I just finished my 11th abdominal surgery and I have this feeling I will never be digestively well again.  It's just a feeling.  The surgery was successful.  My surgeon got all of the cancer that they could see.  I also had a lot of scar tissue removed.  However ...my body..is tired and telling me never to do this again. 

I still can't really eat and I have lots of digestive pain....and I am so skinny.  I have so many parts missing now that it must be very empty with too much space to move around.  On surgery day the epidural was not placed properly and I had the worst headaches of my life...I wanted for days for someone to drop by and just shoot me.

After the headaches got better I was still throwing up my attempts at eating....I wanted to go home so badly.  In long term disease all of the surgeries and chemos add up ....and the years go by and you are just not as resiliant as you once were.

So I have to pray that this cancer does not grow back for awhile...my surgery days are over for quite sometime...if not forever.  I have fought this cancer very well these over 10 years...I hope my miracle of survival did not happen already.  I am ready for some fun....and food!  FOOD!

Back Once Again

My body has gotten old.  This was a difficult...however successful surgery.  I wanted to say thank you to the clinical partner that walked me to the patio so that I could feel the sun and breathe in the fresh air.  And to the medical person who has the song "Staying Alive" by the BeeGees on their cell phone that I heard everyday..you made me laugh.

I will type more in depth in a couple of days...I came home yesterday...I am not sure what I am feeling ...I just can't wait until my body can handle a cup of COFFEE!

Lots of love and holiday wishes :)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dear Friends and Signature

I know I promised a blog on health insurance...it will be my first one upon my return..I am having a time issue...not enough.  I go to the hospital on Monday morning and I have so much to do!  I wish all of you a happy and healthy holiday season.  I am hoping to be back here around the 20th of December.

I am a bit pertrified...sometimes ignorance is bliss :).  I know too much. 

Prayers for everyone over this holiday season..health and peace. 

Amy Regenstreif

Retroperitoneal Leiomyosarcoma  2001 2011

11th surgery Sept 6th...I am not proud of it...just had no choice if I wanted to stay here...:) I hope this is it for awhile cause I do not want to do this anymore....anymore at all.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Moments When Your Life Just Stops

Don't you get a little bit angry that your life just stops?  And then it starts...and then it stops.  I think that is one of the most annoying things for me.  After multiple surgeries, chemos, etc the last 10 years..my life just keeps starting and stopping.  It causes a lot of hardship not only emotionally ...but financially as well.

It's two steps forward...one step back..and on and on.  I need that extra step forward so when I go back it is not too crazy.  Maybe I will get it this time.  I am going to think so.

As surgery approaches there are times that I feel almost frozen in place.  I long for the passage of time ...lots of time and yet the minutes now seem so precious. 

Tomorrow is a day of fun...movies ...eating...walking...I will get the most of my day forward before I go back for a little while.  Then I am going forward big time :).