Saturday, July 30, 2011

Lot's of Hope Always

After doing this for over 10 years...just had scans...they are stable...yay!  A little time challenged today however I wanted to write here to let you know that there is always hope!  I am on no chemo ...and my scans are stable....I am in no pain and I am living everyday...although somewhat stressed from time to time ...lol....:)...will post more later....keep going...keep fighting...you never know.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Who is Chasing Who?

Sarcomas are relentless.  It's like a game.  I make my my life move forward and yet I look behind at every turn.  My thoughts of you never end.  I am as obsessed with you as you are with me. Only in the long run I am not sure who is going to win. I used to think I would...I am not sure anymore.

Writing is a lonely job and I am lonely in my thoughts of cancer....so I am not sure if a book is in my soul or not.  Maybe I have already written one without knowing it...in my anger and frustration over this disease.

I moved recently...I am so happy where I am.  Everything I do is new and yet I think ..why am I working so hard to build a life that I may never have?  Because I have to...because that's what keeps me fighting this crazy disease...that just maybe I will keep getting those moments. 

The medical stuff is getting harder...the surgeries are more involved.  The hospital stays longer..more tubes..more needles..less and less body parts...and yet I keep fighting. 

I still swim..walk..eat...work..and have fun...I just seem to be more and more haunted by this disease that keeps lurking behind me.  Let's hope you do not truly catch up for a long time.  I need some time to get more prepared for the next battle.  No surprises please :)